Shattered Glass Minds
by The needy stranger
Summary: Continues in my Coming Closer story arc. The fifteenth angel has defeated and broken Asuka. Will Shinji find the courage to reach out to help someone who doesn't even want it? Complete with revisions to prev chaps
1. Default Chapter

A quick warning to any new readers, this story is set after the events of 'Coming Closer'. I'd recommend reading that first if you want to fully enjoy the following story.  
  
Disclaimer - Why do I need to do this. I mean, do they honestly believe there's a single reader out there who'd believe that Neon Genesis Evangelion belonged to me, and not GAINAX. I'm just going to assume that you already know that this fanfic is the closest I'll ever come to owning Evangelion or any of it's characters.  
  
Shattered Glass Minds, a Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction by Richard Abraham.  
  
He ran.  
  
Hurtful words, still lingering in the air, chased him as he tried to escape.  
  
After a few steps, the strength in his legs seemed to drain away and he stumbled to a halt. The physical and mental effort the boy needed to remain standing showed in the trembling of his slight frame, and the glistening of moisture in his eyes.  
  
Memories of a night not too long ago surfaced to the front of his consciousness. Memories of Misato's tears, Misato's grief, Misato's warmth.  
  
Unable to work up enough power to continue his flight, or enough courage to return to the girl he had been running from, he just stood there, watching the foetal figure of his flatmate.  
  
She looked like a puppet with her strings cut. Curled up into herself, her knees drawn up to her chest, she had wrapped her arms tightly around her legs. Apart from this, she was dead to the world. She had not said anything since telling him that she hated him. Neither had she moved a muscle.  
  
Shinji, quickly grew worried as he stood there minute after minute, watching her unresponsive form.  
  
After a few more minutes, a medical team arrived in full biohazard suits and tried to pick up Asuka to place her in the ambulance.  
  
The medic who had reached out to take hold of Asuka stumbled back as Asuka slapped his hand away with force that Shinji guessed would leave a bruise.  
  
"Don't touch me."  
  
Shinji was stunned by the tone of her voice. A dead, lifeless voice emphasized all the more by the contrast with the violence she had just shown.  
  
"Asuka." Shinji whispered.  
  
The difference between her normal behaviour and her current posture, was a warning to anyone with an ounce of perception. It told a story. A story of defeat, and resignation.  
  
It looked as if the angel had somehow stripped her of her pride.  
  
As she passed him to climb into the ambulance, Shinji took a closer look into her eyes.  
  
It seemed that the pain that she had suffered through during the angel's attack lingered there. It was pretty obvious, even to Shinji, that Asuka's mind was not in the present, focussing instead on the traumatic events of the recent past.  
  
The medic closing the rear doors to the ambulance found his progress impeded by a young boy with soft blue eyes that were currently locked onto his own.  
  
"Can I ride with her?"  
  
"Sorry kid, Dr Akagi's orders are no prolonged contact until she's checked her out."  
  
There it was. The excuse Shinji needed to walk away so he could stick his head under a pillow and pretend that everything was going to be alright.  
  
He broke eye contact with the medic to check on the patient sitting on a stretcher inside the ambulance.  
  
"Oh... alright." Shame flooded through him and his eyes dropped to the ground.  
  
Shinji couldn't raise his eyes to meet the eyes of either Asuka's or the medic's. Already, he regretted his decision. Though standing there watching the medic climb into the van, he couldn't work up the courage to reverse his choice. This just made him all the more ashamed.  
  
So he stood there and watched as the ambulance engine came to life and it started to move away.  
  
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She looked so beautiful. Serene and untroubled in her slumber, unlike during the last night of their training for the seventh angel.  
  
However, it was a false beauty, the peace brought about from outside intervention rather than from within.  
  
Apparently, Asuka had been less than co-operative when she had been brought in. She point blank refused to let any of the staff examine her. When the nurses had insisted, Asuka's objections degenerated into threats and near violence. That was when the decision had been taken to have Asuka sedated.  
  
Shinji had been here, standing just inside the door to Asuka's private room, for the last half hour.  
  
It had taken an hour of standing outside the room just to work up enough nerve to enter. When the doctors discovered him, they had told him that it was alright to be here, but to call for help should she become violent again upon awakening.  
  
It was another twenty minutes before the slumbering form on the bed started to stir. Her eyes opened slowly. Shinji was surprised and worried by the lack of life in her eyes, as if someone had smothered the fire within.  
  
Asuka seemed to sense another presence in the room and shifted her head to look to her left. Upon spotting Shinji, a little of the old fire returned to her eyes. Barely a second after, Shinji dropped eye contact in favour of studying his shoes, fully expecting pain to be dished out liberally.  
  
"What are you doing in here pervert." Her voice dripped scorn.  
  
This was dangerous ground. The last time he had heard that tone of voice, she had exploded and proceeded to vent on him. His next response would either soothe the raging beast, or trigger the eruption of Mt Asuka.  
  
"This room is my home away from home. I just wondered what the view was like from this side of the bed."  
  
At that moment, the same thought passed through the heads of two young teens; Wow! Where did that come from?  
  
Shinji allowed a small self-depreciating smile to grow and shrugged his shoulders.  
  
He almost missed it when Asuka's mouth twitched into a small genuine smile. Of course, it lasted only a second before transforming into the larger sarcastic smirk that he was much more familiar with.  
  
"Idiot."  
  
Shinji's smile widened despite Asuka's insult.  
  
-The End-  
  
Authors notes  
  
Sigh I was recently reading through all of my stories (I do so in order to gauge the evolution of my writing skills, or lack thereof). When comparing this chapter to that of the next (and even some previous works), I had to flinch at some parts.  
  
Why didn't anyone tell me about all those cornier than corny lines and mangled grammar?  
  
Despite the revisions I've made here, I'm still no-where near satisfied and I suppose it's doubtful I ever will be (I tend to be my own worst critic).  
  
Okay, on to the grovelling.  
  
Please, please, please send me your CC on the revisions I've made to this chapter. I'd like to know if the changes have improved the chapter at all.  
  
Richard. 


	2. Replay Value

Before you get too engrossed in my little story here, I just thought I should offer special thanks to dennisud. Not only did his review on the first chapter prompt me into continuing this story, he also took the time to review every single one of my stories and offer me his views on each.  
  
By the way dennisud, I agree, my fics were kind of short so I put a little extra effort into this one, just for you.  
  
DISCLAIMER: - I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of its characters. If I did, I'd be rolling in the dough and wouldn't lower myself to the level of writing for the online masses. However, seeing as Gainax are the owners, writing for all you wonderful people out there is enough to keep me happy for now.  
  
Shattered Glass Minds a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan fiction by Richard Abraham  
  
Chapter 2 - Replay Value  
  
"Stop this! Please stop it now!" Was the desperate cry heard throughout Central Dogma and within the cockpit of Evangelion Unit-01  
  
"Let me help her!" A distraught Shinji yelled at the image in the communications window in front of him.  
  
This was the second time that Shinji had made the request, and the second time he had been ignored.  
  
Closing the video link to command. Shinji blew out a half sigh, half snarl of frustration. It was pretty obvious that no one there was going to help him, especially after the commander re-affirmed the freeze order on Unit 01.  
  
Asuka's screams were still disturbingly clear, coming in through the active audio link to Unit 02  
  
He couldn't take this anymore. Listening to her pain, it was just too much. He should switch off the radio transmission, after all, why should he torture himself by listening to this if he was helpless to do anything.  
  
No!  
  
He wasn't helpless!  
  
He had hundreds of tons of angel killing technology surrounding him. He couldn't accept that there was nothing he could do but sit there and listen to Asuka's screams.  
  
Gripping the handles on the butterfly controls in front of him, Shinji closed his eyes and tried to force the activation of the Eva he was sitting in by recapturing the feelings he had felt during his battle with the fourteenth angel.  
  
Desperation!  
  
Anger!  
  
Fear!  
  
Need!  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Most mornings for Shinji were pretty uneventful.  
  
He would wake up at six sharp and lie in bed for a few minutes to savour the warmth and comfort of his bed. After a couple of minutes, he would lazily get out of bed and don either his school clothes if he had school or... well, actually, he wore his school clothes whether he had school or not.  
  
Only after his leisurely 'activation routine', would he set about his morning chores.  
  
Unfortunately, this was not to be the case today as a redheaded girl finally entered his room, growing frustrated with knocking on his door with no response ( though, to be fair to Shinji, she had only bothered knocking once).  
  
When Shinji awoke, it was with a startled yelp and a leap that would have cleared him from his bed had he not still been under the covers. Thus it was a thoroughly drenched and confused Shinji that looked up at Asuka from his position; half on the floor and clinging to his bed.  
  
He couldn't help but notice the huge smirk that she wore and the amusement in her eyes.  
  
Her eyes especially intrigued the young pilot.  
  
Since her homecoming the previous afternoon, Shinji had barely even seen Asuka. She had decided that she was tired and needed to rest less than two minutes after walking through the door.  
  
He had taken note of how her eyes were once again dull, like they were when Shinji had first encountered Asuka after the last angel attack.  
  
Shinji did not especially think of the mean humour in her eyes at the moment as much of an improvement.  
  
"Asuka? What are you doing in my room."  
  
"Take a look at your clock idiot." Replied Asuka, the humour in her eyes fading fast.  
  
Shinji did as ordered and checked the display on his bedside clock. Then he blinked and checked again.  
  
"Ack! 7:30? B-But how, I always set my alarm for six?"  
  
Shinji wasn't really expecting an answer to this, a fact that he was sure Asuka picked up on, given he was already halfway to the bathroom by the time he had finished speaking.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Shinji burst out of the bathroom heading towards the kitchen. If he was lucky, he might be able to stop himself and Asuka from going hungry at lunch today.  
  
Glancing at his watch to give him an idea of how long he had to prepare lunch, Shinji sighed as he realised that there just wasn't any time to make anything. In fact, even if he left right now, it probably still wouldn't be enough time to make it to school on time.  
  
Bracing himself for the inevitable verbal thrashing he was about to receive from his fiery haired work, class and room-mate, Shinji made his way to the hallway, where she would no doubt be waiting impatiently for him.  
  
Only Asuka wasn't in the hallway. Shinji spotted her in the lounge, blankly staring at the images shown to her from the screen of the television set.  
  
Standing at the entrance to the room (which was also conveniently out of arms reach of the rather irritable redhead), Shinji couldn't help but stand and stare at the scene.  
  
Shinji had always secretly admired the fierce beauty of his roommate. Her energy and the determination with which she attacked all aspects of her life were traits that Shinji thought all added to her beauty.  
  
Which was perhaps why it was so disconcerting seeing her sitting in front of the television, with a near blank look on her face. It was almost as if she was looking at the images without actually seeing them.  
  
The scene in front of him reminded him of how she had looked, being ushered into an ambulance before being rushed away to headquarters.  
  
Shinji shuddered.  
  
Asuka's mood was proving to be somewhat erratic since her return yesterday afternoon. The worried boy almost wished she would respond to him with her usual anger. That was an emotion he knew how to respond to (apologise profusely and retreat with all haste in the opposite direction to the approaching storm).  
  
"Asuka? Aren't you coming to school today?"  
  
"No." A simple response, delivered with neither thought nor emotion.  
  
Shinji was a little upset at this confession, Asuka had been spending less and less time at school over the past month, culminating with her being absent for the entire last week.  
  
Admittedly, though, Shinji was hardly innocent of a little truancy himself.  
  
After the thirteenth and fourteenth angels, Shinji had spent a lot of time off school, too tied up in his own depression and guilt to bother with something that had seemed trivial at the time.  
  
That had changed the night he had broken down in Misato's arms. Since that night, his relationship with his other flat-mate and guardian had slowly healed the rifts caused by her perceived betrayal over the secrecy over the fourth child's identity.  
  
Indeed, Shinji's relationship with Misato could, perhaps for the first time since he had started living in her apartment, be compared to that of brother and older sister (or mother occasionally, depending on how the major's mood swung).  
  
It was a bond that Asuka did not share with her guardian, and it appeared to Shinji that Asuka would not have it any other way.  
  
There seemed to be a very small number of people that Asuka had actually opened up to with any real depth. Thinking of one of these people prompted an idea to form in the young teen's mind.  
  
"Hikari has been asking after you. She'd like to know when you'll be coming back."  
  
Apparently, the class representative had already approached Asuka on this matter during her two-night stay at Hikari's house, just before coming back home.  
  
The statement did indeed get the young girl's attention, Shinji could practically feel the guilty flinch that ran through her.  
  
After a moment of thought, Asuka eventually responded:  
  
"Tell her... Tell her, I'll see her tomorrow."  
  
Shinji smiled and replied with a barely audible "O.K.", lest she hear him and decide to change her mind.  
  
The young pilot quickly left the apartment and set a brisk pace for school, if he was lucky, he'd make it there just in time for the tardy bell. Then he checked his watch, the information he received from the device prompted him to up his pace to a jog.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Shinji stood just inside the still open door to his class and sighed dismally as he saw what lay within.  
  
Yet more classmates had disappeared, their parents most likely having moved them to safer locations. The class was now woefully empty, with only eight seats being filled at the moment, there were rumours flying around hinting at a possible merger of classes.  
  
Shinji didn't have any time to contemplate the rumour as the tardy bell rang, prompting the boy to move to his seat and sit down.  
  
The roll call was over quickly (unsurprisingly), which meant that the old lecturer could launch right into his thrilling commentary on how the second impact had affected the different family inter-relationships and economics in his hometown.  
  
Actually, Shinji was pretty relieved that although the class size had changed dramatically, the lecture content hadn't. He figured that he had until after lunch, before the old teacher got onto anything noteworthy (as in, the curriculum material). Until then, he could pretty much amuse himself.  
  
Normally, this was no effort on his part. He would fake the 'attentive student' role, looking as if he was diligently taking notes (while having online conversations with his two friends of course).  
  
Today was different, he just couldn't focus on anything for more than a few seconds before his thoughts turned to his troubled flat-mate.  
  
When Kensuke had inevitably contacted him via the school network chat channel, Shinji had cut his friend off before he even started with a promise to talk with him during first break.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"So Shinji, you ok man?"  
  
Shinji paused in the middle of closing down his computer station, looking at Kensuke with 'Huh?' written all over his face.  
  
"Huh?" He asked, perhaps a redundant question, given that his face had already asked that exact question.  
  
"It's been two weeks straight now, and you've not missed school even once. I gotta tell you, there are rumours flying. People are actually beginning to recognise you again."  
  
"Oh har har." Shinji replied, sarcasm soaking every syllable.  
  
Kensuke laughed at his own humour briefly. Settling down, he continued:  
  
"Sorry man, couldn't help myself. Though seriously, what happened to you those two weeks? You've never been gone for so long before."  
  
Shinji sighed. This was not the first time that Kensuke had asked him about his absence, however Shinji had always body swerved that particular question before.  
  
He could tell by the somewhat hopeless expression on his bespectacled friend's face, that he was expecting another such manoeuvre. Shinji was genuinely touched by his friends concern, a concern that seemed to grow the more resolutely he had tried to avoid Kensuke's questions.  
  
"After... everything that had happened then, I-I just couldn't face the thought of coming back to class and seeing all of those accusing stares."  
  
Kensuke appeared slightly confused.  
  
"Accusing stares, but why would anyone..." He was interrupted by Shinji.  
  
"It's just the state of mind I was in. I was kind of, wallowing, in self-pity."  
  
What Shinji didn't tell his friend was that he had spent almost all of one of those two weeks with Misato. She had managed to wrangle it so that she could spend more time at home with Shinji that week.  
  
During that week, he and Misato had talked more to and about each other than they had in the months previous.  
  
The conversation was mercifully ended by the bell ringing, signalling that the first break period was over.  
  
Unfortunately for Shinji, today looked like being one of the days when his old teacher would forget about the curriculum he was supposed to be teaching, instead droning on about life before second impact for the rest of the day.  
  
While normally this would have provided an excuse for the three stooges to abuse the school chat system, Shinji was not in the mood for chatting. In fact he would have preferred the distraction afforded by an actual lecture.  
  
At least then he might be able to put Asuka to the back of his mind for a while.  
  
Shinji fell into his own thoughts and worries, the outside world held at bay by the intensity of his ruminations.  
  
An indeterminate time later, Shinji was startled out of his introspection by someone shaking him vigorously.  
  
"Hey Shinji! Wake up man, the lunch bell's already rang."  
  
"Huh? Lunch already?"  
  
Kensuke laughed at his friend's confusion. Shinji looked so much like Touji at that moment, he couldn't help himself.  
  
"Yeah, so hurry up I've still got some things to discuss with you." The tone of the bespectacled boy's voice was pure mischief.  
  
Shinji was certain that his friend had something at least mildly embarrassing to torture him with, but he knew there was no way other than forward so he ploughed ahead anyway.  
  
"Uh... What things?"  
  
"I'll tell you as soon as I get back from the cafeteria. I'll meet you at the usual spot okay?"  
  
"Fair enough, see you then."  
  
Shinji watched Kensuke disappear from the classroom and sighed in resignation. If anything, he was even more apprehensive over what his friend had to say to him.  
  
Luckily he didn't have to wallow in his anxiety for long. His friend returned shortly carrying a rather modest looking meal.  
  
"Hi Kensuke. So tell me, what were you wanting to discuss with me?"  
  
Kensuke grinned at the nervousness in his friend's voice.  
  
"Well." He said, dragging the word out to prolong the agony, "I was speaking to Toji last night..."  
  
Shinji immediately paled and slapped his palm to his forehead.  
  
"Argh, that's right! I was supposed to visit Mari with him yesterday!"  
  
"Bingo." Kensuke laughed at his friend's distress.  
  
"I completely forgot. I got so caught up with Asuka coming back that it just slipped my mind.  
Toji's not too mad is he?"  
  
"He wasn't too happy with you, but you know Toji, it'll all be forgotten for tomorrow."  
  
Shinji sensed something unfinished in that last sentence. Being doomed already, he decided he had nothing to lose by enquiring further.  
  
"Tomorrow?"  
  
It wasn't until he had asked that he realised what was coming next.  
  
"Yeah, you're going to make it up to him tomorrow. This time he wants you to bring dinner with you. Says the least you can do to make up for disappointing Mari is to save him from the hospital food."  
  
Shinji let loose a mock sigh of horror:  
  
"Cooking dinner for Toji? When will I find any time to do my homework?"  
  
Both of the boys laughed a bit at that. Toji's appetite was, after all, near legendary within the class.  
  
It was at this point that the two of them were interrupted.  
  
"Shinji?" Hikari Horaki questioned, bringing the attention of the two boys on to the class representative, "Can I speak to you please?"  
  
Kensuke immediately picked up on the young girls unspoken wish for privacy and decided to make himself scarce. He slipped away, muttering something about visiting the john.  
  
Shinji returned his focus to the class representative in front of him.  
  
"Um, sure Miss Horaki."  
  
Some of the anxiety Hikari had been holding on to evaporated upon hearing Shinji's formal address.  
  
"Shinji, I thought we'd already covered this. It's okay to call me Hikari when we're not in class." She smiled to emphasize her point.  
  
Shinji smiled back, mildly embarrassed by his faux pas.  
  
"Sorry Hikari. What did you want to speak to me about?"  
  
At this, some of Hikari's earlier anxiety crept back into her posture.  
  
"It's about Asuka."  
  
Shinji's mood instantly turned sombre.  
  
"What about Asuka?" He asked.  
  
"Well, it's just that... She did go back to Miss Katsuragi's apartment yesterday didn't she?"  
  
"Yes. Didn't Misato pick her up at your place?"  
  
"Yes. Sorry... it's just that... I thought I'd see her today. She's spent so much time off school the past few weeks. I thought with her going home yesterday, that she might feel up to coming in today. I guess I'm just worried about her."  
  
Shinji was going to re-assure Hikari by passing along Asuka's promise to see her tomorrow, but he was struck with a different idea instead.  
  
"Hikari? Do you think, you could maybe... come back to the apartment with me after school?"  
  
Shinji had to admit, he was somewhat confused by Hikari's reaction to his request.  
  
The girl in question was currently illuminated by an intense blush that looked as if it quite possibly reached her toes.  
  
Of course, the poor boy had no idea as to why on earth the girl would respond as such to his innocuous request. Well, that is, until the girl in question tried to verbalise her response.  
  
"Shinji! I-I hardly think that it's appropriate for you to make such an offer considering..."  
  
Shinji interrupted the class representative's speech with a strangled, "Ack!" as he finally realised the young girls misunderstanding.  
  
"No wait! It's not like that, it's for Asuka. I-I just want you to talk to Asuka."  
  
Taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself, and to hopefully let his blush recede, Shinji continued at a less frenzied pace.  
  
"I don't think everything is okay with Asuka and I'm worried for her. I was hoping seeing you might help cheer her up a little. I've already tried but she's spent most of her time back home in her room. She doesn't really speak to me at the best of times you know."  
  
Hikari's flushed face now represented an entirely different kind of embarrassment as she digested what her classmate was telling her.  
  
"Oh. I'm so sorry Shinji. I shouldn't have assumed..." The girl's voice trailed off into embarrassment.  
  
Shinji once again smiled at the mortified girl in front of him.  
  
"No, I'm sorry. I should have phrased it differently, it was quite suggestive wasn't it." He finished with a laugh, mostly aimed at himself.  
  
Hikari smiled back at Shinji, her full body blush in full retreat. This time there was humour clear in her eyes.  
  
"You know Mr Ikari." She began, her tone matching the look in her eyes, "You've changed a lot over the last month. You wouldn't mind telling me the secret to your transformation would you?" She questioned lightly.  
  
Shinji was caught slightly off guard by the question. Not by the content, Kensuke, and even Toji had commented on his newfound attitude. He was surprised however, that Hikari knew him well enough to notice the changes in his behaviour.  
  
To be fair though, the changes hadn't exactly happened overnight... well, not all of them anyway.  
  
He had been making an effort to slowly climb out of his shell since the night he broke down in Misato's arms.  
  
Just last week he had visited his friend, Toji in the hospital. And it only took him three hours of agonising over whether or not he should go.  
  
Bringing his thoughts back to the question that had been asked of him, Shinji gave the only answer that he could think of:  
  
"I guess, I've just been happy."  
  
- End of part 2 -  
  
Authors notes  
  
Well, at roughly 3100 words, this is the biggest single chapter I've ever written. Quite pathetic actually huh?  
  
As always, I really need feedback on this. Remember, I no longer have a pre-reader checking over my works and making sure I don't post garbage. Thus it is essential that I get your views, comments and criticisms so I can avoid repeating my mistakes.  
  
I honestly don't know if I'll be writing anything after I finish this story. It depends a lot on the reviews I get, whether or not I continue to write.  
  
However, I've already promised that I would finish off this story, so that's one thing to look forward to.  
  
Richard. 


	3. All the kings horses and men

Before I get started, I'd like to once again thank those few people who reviewed the last two chapters. It was for you guys that I bothered to finish this story.  
  
Disclaimer: - Hands up all you readers who think that I own Neon Genesis Evangelion and its characters... Now all those who raised their hands go sit in the corner and face the wall, this story is likely beyond your level of understanding anyway.  
  
Shattered Glass Minds a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan fiction by Richard Abraham  
  
Chapter 3 - All The Kings Horses and Men...  
  
Nothing.  
  
There was nothing. No activation. No berserker.  
  
Nothing, apart from the slowly fading whimpers of a fourteen year old girl in agony.  
  
"My mind. It's being eaten away.  
  
Kaji, it's unravelling my mind.  
  
What will I do? It's defiling my mind."  
  
"Asuka." Shinji whispered, tears of frustration and desperation slowly spilling from his eyes and being dissolved into the LCL surrounding him. "I can't... I can't help you."  
  
Slowly, a small and fragile hope wormed its way into Shinji's heart.  
  
"Asuka." He spoke loudly, hoping his voice would be heard by the girl he was trying to reach.  
  
"Asuka listen to me. Focus on me, on my voice." He begged, "Please Asuka."  
  
Despite his near frantic hope on getting a response, the young pilot was still somewhat surprised when the girl in question actually opened her eyes through the horrific images assaulting her and looked towards the open com link.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
However, before Shinji had a chance to respond to her, she screwed up her eyes again as she was pulled back into the painful memories of her past.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Shinji awoke to find himself still in the classroom, the disturbing memories of the not so distant past were slow in fading away.  
  
It took a moment to orientate himself as he shook off the effects of the dream and the unnatural fatigue the old professor's monologue had inspired in him.  
  
Glancing at the old classroom clock above the blackboard at the front of the room, Shinji was intensely disappointed at what was displayed there:  
  
2:31pm.  
  
For a moment, the boy entertained the thought of trying to use the power of his mind to will the clock hands forward. Of course he realised that this was a ridiculous notion, which is why he only tried it for a few seconds before giving up.  
  
2:31pm.  
  
Was it somehow possible that the mere sound of his teacher's voice defied the laws of physics and slowed the very passage of time?  
  
Shinji admitted to himself that he may just be overly anxious to get back home to tell Asuka of her friends impending visit.  
  
2:31pm.  
  
Argh! What was wrong with that thing?  
  
There was something definitely off with that clock. Something he was having difficulty putting his finger on.  
  
It wasn't until there was a break in the almost hypnotic monotone of the old professor's voice that Shinji was able to figure out what was bothering him.  
  
The hands on the clock weren't moving, not even the second hand.  
  
Shinji felt himself flush in mild embarrassment when he realised that that particular clock had been non-functional for over two months.  
  
Glancing at his laptop, he was pleased to discover that the time was actually 3:20pm, which left only ten minutes of the school day remaining.  
  
Directing his attention over to the class representative's desk, he couldn't help but admire how she managed to diligently take notes from lecture material that sounded, to him, to be completely irrelevant.  
  
Perhaps she wasn't actually taking notes. Maybe she also used these lectures to strengthen her friendships via the schools chat system.  
  
Much as he tried to picture it though, he just couldn't imagine the straight-laced class rep abusing school property like that. Would she?  
  
With it being so close to the end of class, Shinji's mind again turned to thoughts of his usually fiery flat-mate at home.  
  
He fervently hoped that Hikari would be able to help her friend. Unlike him.  
  
Memories of the fifteenth angel once again rose up from his sub-conscious to taunt the young pilot with his weaknesses.  
  
He had tried so hard to get out there and do something, anything to help her.  
  
Then again, he had to wonder if it might have made things even worse between the two of them if he had. After all, she hadn't been at all grateful for his efforts during the attack of the fourteenth angel.  
  
He rubbed his ears in pained remembrance of her 'appreciation'.  
  
If he had been out there though, would he have been able to help her anyway? More importantly, would he have been willing to switch positions with her had the need arisen?  
  
Luckily for Shinji, these were all questions that did not need to be answered at the moment. The reason for this being the interruption of the end of day bell.  
  
"Rise, bow, dismissed." Called the class representative.  
  
Shinji looked up from putting away his laptop to see Hikari walking over to him.  
  
"Hi Hikari. I'll be ready in a little bit if you're still willing to come see Asuka."  
  
Hikari looked slightly awkward as she answered:  
  
"Shinji, I'm not going to be able to come with you after all. You see..."  
  
"Wait," Shinji started desperately, "Please, you've got to see Asuka..."  
  
"Shinji listen, please," Hikari interjected, "I'm sorry I didn't remember before, but I'm on clean up duty today. I'm really sorry. Do you think it would be okay to drop by after dinner?" She asked with a hopeful smile.  
  
Shinji was pretty disappointed that his plan wasn't going as he had hoped. However, this wasn't too big a setback. A couple of hours delay wasn't something to get worked up over.  
  
"It would be great if you could. If you'd like, you could even have dinner over at our place." Shinji asked.  
  
The young student was rather intrigued by the apprehension he saw growing on his female companion's face. He analysed what he had just said to see if there was anything there that could possibly be seen as a come on.  
  
"Err... I'm not asking you out or anything. I just want..." The youth was quickly growing flustered but was cut off by Hikari.  
  
"No it's okay, I realise that. It's just... uh..." And just like that, the young girls expression once again turned to apprehension as she struggled to find the correct, inoffensive, words to express her concerns.  
  
Thankfully, Hikari was spared the embarrassment of expressing her worries as Shinji finally fit the pieces together. There was only one thing that could inspire such fear and worry over a simple dinner visit.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll be doing the cooking." He said with a knowing grin.  
  
Hikari blushed. Shinji had her dead to rights.  
  
"I don't like saying anything bad about Miss Katsuragi, but..." She trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid, yet perfectly understood.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Shinji reassured his classmate, "I've not met anyone who likes Misato's cooking, apart from herself of course.  
  
The two teens shared a brief chuckle.  
  
"I'd better get started here. See you tonight Shinji."  
  
"Yeah, I'll see you soon Hikari."  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Shinji was not a happy camper as he slid his key card through the pad to open the door to the apartment. The elevator was out of order for the afternoon for general maintenance.  
  
Climbing up a couple of dozen flights of stairs made for a very tired, very fed-up young pilot.  
  
He trudged his way through the apartment on his way to his room, thinking of nothing but getting off of his aching feet. And that was exactly what he did three seconds after entering his room, favouring collapsing on the floor as opposed to spending the extra energy to get to his bed.  
  
The young teen couldn't even muster up the wind required to sigh in relief as he lay flat on his back, immensely glad to be off his feet at last.  
  
Hikari was due to drop by in a couple of hours and Shinji had originally planned on getting his homework out of the way before starting dinner. At the moment however, his overriding concern was the rather painful stitch in his side and his efforts to slow his laboured breathing.  
  
It took a full fifteen minutes for Shinji to work up the necessary motivation to rise from his not so comfortable position.  
  
He was quite thirsty, so he shuffled through to the kitchen in order to sate this desire. Hearing a commotion in the lounge, the source of which undoubtedly being the television set, Shinji decided to take his drink through to the main room.  
  
"Misato? Weren't you supposed to be working until seven tonight?" Shinji asked, pleasantly surprised to see his guardian and occasional mother type figure in so early.  
  
"Hiya Shinji." Misato greeted him cheerily, her wide, warm smile enough to spark off a reciprocating smile from her young charge.  
  
"I take it you enjoyed your hike up the stairs then?" Misato asked, obviously teasing the boy, "You were grumbling about it when you got in. You didn't even hear me welcome you back."  
  
"My feet are still sore, but I'll live." Shinji responded drolly, "And you still haven't answered my question. Why are you back so early? Were you finally fired then?" He asked with a cheeky grin.  
  
Misato 'hmphed' in mock indignation, before a devilish grin spread across her face. She lunged forward with speed and accuracy honed from years of combat training. Before Shinji even had a chance to blink, the major's arm had snaked behind his neck and hooked round as she pulled the boy's head under her arm.  
  
"Now Shinji," She said in a chiding tone, spoiled by the smirk plastered on her face, "Here I am pulling out all the stops in order to spend more time with my dear Shin-chan and you're mocking me? That's not very nice is it?" She asked, knuckling his scalp furiously.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It won't happen again master. Please release me, I'll be good." Shinji pleaded, playing along tolerantly, though he was fighting back a blush due his proximity to Misato's ample 'assets'.  
  
"Ooh, I love it when you beg." The older woman teased, though she did release her hold over the mildly flustered teen.  
  
As they were now standing facing each other, Misato took advantage of the opportunity to wrap Shinji up in a tender hug.  
  
Shinji returned the embrace without hesitation. Out of all the changes they had both gone through over the last few weeks, this was perhaps the best.  
  
"So how are you? I know you've been worrying over Asuka."  
  
Shinji let his shoulders droop slightly as he was reminded of his other flatmate. He took comfort in Misato's warmth for a few more seconds before pulling away.  
  
"Yeah, you're right, but I've asked Hikari over for dinner. I was kind of hoping she might have more luck reaching her than we have."  
  
Misato nodded her head in understanding.  
  
"I know, I'm worried about her too. So, where is she? Did she finally go to school?"  
  
"Huh? No. She said she'd go tomorrow, she was sitting in here when I left. Didn't you see her when you got in?" Shinji asked, his face betraying his confusion.  
  
"No, she's not been in today. I even checked her room when I found the place empty. I just assumed she'd gone with you to school today." Misato answered, her face taking on a thoughtful expression.  
  
Shinji was confused and a little worried over what he was being told. While he knew that the girl was usually quite capable of handling herself, though she had also been acting very erratically lately. There was no telling what was going through her head right now.  
  
The young pilot compiled a mental list of the most likely places she could be given her past tendencies. She was actually quite a predictable person in that regard.  
  
Asuka had very few friends, the result of a seemingly deliberate and focussed attempt to distance herself from others. She was also an EVA pilot to her core. Her entire life had been dedicated to being the best.  
  
Due to these two facts, Asuka's movements were often easy to predict:  
  
Hikari's house.  
  
The shopping centre.  
  
School.  
  
NERV headquarters.  
  
The possibility of the redhead being at the school was eliminated for rather obvious reasons.  
  
She wouldn't be at Hikari's house either as it would have been empty all day, it's occupants at school or work. Her friend's absence would also exclude the shopping centre as Asuka had no interest in going there by herself, probably because she liked to show off her new acquisitions to her friend.  
  
While it was possible that she had gone into headquarters, she was not actually scheduled for any tests until tomorrow.  
  
Shinji looked up at hearing the other occupant of the room dialling a number into her cell phone.  
  
"I need an update on the second child," she stated calmly to whom Shinji assumed was a Section 2 agent, "What's her current position?"  
  
He didn't hear the response, but he saw how the slight tension lines around her eyes faded as she listened to the agent on the other end of the line.  
  
As soon as the major ended the call, Shinji spoke up:  
  
"Misato? Where is she?" Poorly concealed concern colouring his words despite the ease of tension from the woman under interrogation.  
  
"Relax Shinji, Asuka's fine. She's at the lookout, the same place I took you after the third angel, remember?"  
  
"Yeah," He replied, his tone thoughtful, "do you... Do you think we should go get her?"  
  
Misato brought her hand to her cheek in thought, tapping one finger against it in concentration.  
  
"I doubt she'd appreciate us going after her, especially me. We've... never really been close. Then again..." She started, a cheeky smile spreading across her features, "Maybe you should go tell her that she's gonna miss dinner."  
  
"Misato," Shinji groaned, "This is serious."  
  
"So am I. I'm starving. I'll give you a half-hour start, and then phone dinner in." His supposed guardian said, losing none of her cheer.  
  
After a couple of heartbeats of silence, Misato's expression turned a little more sombre.  
  
"Maybe you could use the time alone to get her to talk to you. I saw how she responded to you during the attack."  
  
"You... You really think so?" A slightly stunned Shinji asked.  
  
"Sure." Misato chirped, once again showing her good cheer, "You've got to have a little faith in yourself Shinji."  
  
Still a little doubtful, Shinji just nodded and headed for the hall.  
  
As he slipped into his shoes and headed outside, he couldn't help but hope that he would finally be able to set a few things right between them.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
An hour later saw Shinji standing watching Asuka in the same spot that he, she and Rei had lain while watching the stars months ago.  
  
Her current position was disturbingly reminiscent of how he had found her after the attack by the fifteenth angel. She had brought her knees up close to her body and was resting her chin on them. He hadn't had a chance to look into her eyes yet, as he was thirty yards away and slightly behind her.  
  
"Are you just going to stand there gawking at me? Why don't you make yourself useful and bring me something to eat, I'm starving." While her words were harsh, her tone suggested indifference.  
  
"Uh? Wha...?" Shinji was, perhaps justifiably confused, this hadn't figured in any of the scenarios he had been thinking through on the journey over here.  
  
Asuka made a noise at the back of her throat to signify her disgust at his response.  
  
"Just forget about it."  
  
Shinji stood there, uncertainty showing in every line of his face. He was no longer so sure that he was doing the right thing by being here.  
  
Maybe Asuka would be better left alone to sort through her thoughts.  
  
Maybe, or maybe not.  
  
It was this last thought that eventually prompted Shinji into walking over to his flat mate and sometimes, almost friend. Hesitating for a second, Shinji chose to sit down next to her.  
  
"Can't see the stars tonight." Asuka stated, prompting Shinji to scan the heavens himself.  
  
Seeing that she was right, though unable to think of anything to say that was even remotely intelligent, Shinji remained silent.  
  
The silence stretched on for several minutes.  
  
"Why are you here?" There was no anger or frustration in those words, as Shinji was half expecting/ half hoping for, in fact, it was a weary tone, dangerously close to resignation.  
  
"Um, Hikari's coming over for dinner, she's been wanting to see you, so I kind of... invited her over."  
  
Asuka turned to face Shinji, the beginnings of her ire showing in her eyes and posture:  
  
"And why would you do something like that when I made it perfectly clear to you that I would see her tomorrow in school."  
  
Shinji floundered for a moment, put off by his companion's sudden swing to anger.  
  
"I... I thought you would be happy to see her, it's been days since you've even spoke to her."  
  
Asuka flinched at that, and the conversation died.  
  
Once again, the silence stretched out. Shinji wished there was something he could say to bring Asuka back to her normal self. Of course, he wasn't actually naive enough to actually believe that any words, no matter how eloquent, could fix the problems plaguing his redheaded companion.  
  
Thus the silence continued, one person unwilling to talk, the other, unable.  
  
An unknown amount of time later, Shinji glanced over to Asuka, unsure of what he was looking for in his companion, yet surprised at what he did see.  
  
Asuka was shaking, her entire body seemed to jerk every few seconds. It took a full minute for Shinji to connect the sight in front of him with what he was confronted with roughly a month ago when Misato had broken down in the kitchen.  
  
She was crying. And yet, she wasn't.  
  
While stunned at the sight before him, Shinji still took note that, although her body was shaking with the force of her sobbing, her eyes were dry. It was almost as if she was focussing every last shred of herself on keeping herself from crying.  
  
After a few more moments of silence, broken by the occasional gasp for air as Asuka sobbed tearlessly, the broken young pilot spoke again:  
  
"I... I...failed."  
  
So much grief, frustration, desperation and hatred in those two words. Shinji was taken aback by the sheer ferocity of the emotions behind the statement, yet he still couldn't think of anything that could be said to comfort the redhead.  
  
Words failing him yet again, Shinji tried something he was almost certain would fail, in fact, he'd be lucky to come away from it without bruises. He also knew that even if it worked in the short term, Asuka would likely resent him all the more for it later.  
  
He hugged her.  
  
Asuka stiffened in his arms and the young boy was almost convinced that she would push him away. After a few moments with no other action however, he relaxed somewhat. He tried to remain as still as possible, afraid that he might break the calm spell around his companion, yet he also tried to project as much warmth and comfort he could muster through the tentative hug he shared with his companion.  
  
After several minutes, the sobs lessened and stopped, the girl producing them to tired to continue.  
  
"I... still hate you, you know." She whispered brokenly from within Shinji's embrace, "But..." She added, "I think... I hate myself more."  
  
Slowly pulling away from the embrace, Shinji managed to capture Asuka's eyes with his own, gazing deeply into them as he searched her soul. Pain and failure was dominant there, and it hurt Shinji to also see a sense of worthlessness there eating away at the light behind her beautiful blue eyes.  
  
In return, he offered her a chance to gaze into his own soul. He gave her the chance to see the pain he had suffered within his own short lifetime. Old scars, newly healed because he had opened up to someone else, and let them help him while he helped them. He hoped with all of his heart that she would eventually let him, or Hikari, or Misato, more fully into her life so she could see how deeply she was cared for by all of them.  
  
For the moment though, it was time to head home.  
  
-Fin-  
  
Author's notes  
  
Urm... Been a long time hasn't it?  
  
I'm sorry I took so long with this, even for me, it's kind of a poor show to take so long in writing and posting a few thousand words.  
  
Anyway, enough with the self loathing.  
  
This was the third and final chapter for the 'Shattered Glass Minds' story and I hope that, despite the wait, you all enjoyed reading it.  
  
I humbly beg of you to review this story, especially if you have suggestions on how to improve my writing style (or the story itself as I'll likely make a few discrete tweaks to the chapter in a few weeks). However, I'll need slightly more constructive criticism than "You suck!!"  
  
Of course, ego-massaging is perfectly acceptable as well, and is in fact, encouraged. :)  
  
This story has changed so often and so dramatically since I first put pen to paper. Originally, I had planned a nice little happily ever after fic with all loose ends nicely tied up. Then I realised that wouldn't just suck, it would also require me to alter Asuka's personality to an extent nobody would let me get away with.  
  
As it is, I've tried to remain as true to the characters as I could throughout their evolution.  
  
For all those purists out there, I'm sorry if you hate the fact that Shinji is getting more confidant around others, or that Asuka would show such weakness to Shinji of all people. However, he reached Asuka during the attack on her mind, if he could do it once, really it would only be a question of whether he had the courage to reach out again that would determine whether he could do it again, considering how fragile Asuka's mind has become.  
  
I've not really decided if I'm going to continue writing, never mind writing the story I had planned to cover the remaining episodes and EoE film. I sometimes think that it's not really fair to keep people waiting for months just for a few thousand words (heh, maybe my opinion of myself is a little high, given that I'm assuming anyone gives a damn whether or not I update).  
  
Then again it might just be a phase I'm going through. I'll admit that all aspects of my life have been suffering from some serious motivational problems in the last year. I suppose, for the moment at least, you should expect my stories if you see them.  
  
Richard. 


End file.
